6 Things You Learn Getting Paid To Troll People Online

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No, I Am Not Going To Stop Writing

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First of all, I'm pretty sure that whatever I wrote that put a bee in your bonnet is not "literally the worst thing ever written." It's not even figuratively the worst thing you've ever read. I didn't stop writing when I woke up to find every Pearl Jam fan in the world wanted to kill me, so the chances of me quitting writing because you write "OMG Y U WRITER QUIT NAO" on my Facebook page are slim to none.

For the last six years, I've supported myself in one of the nation's most expensive cities doing nothing but writing.

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Reminder: It's always fucking beautiful here.

For the last three or so, I've basically had money coming out of my ass. Seriously. I just bought a $500 leather fanny pack from Japan. I am that fucking out of shit to spend money on. This is de facto proof that I am literally (yes, literally) better at writing than approximately 95 percent of people in the history of the universe who have called themselves writers.

Oh, money doesn't matter? Say, that's what I call a pretty cool story, bro. No whip on that Frappuccino, please.

For more on trolling, check out 5 Ways To Stop Trolls From Killing The Internet and The Evolution of the Troll: From Internet Tough Guy to 'Meh'^[1][2].

Are you on reddit? Check it: We are too! Click on over to our best of Cracked subreddit.^[3]

Want to know how to go mano-a-mano with a president? Daniel O'Brien can help with How to Fight Presidents: Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country^[4]!